The end is in sight

So there are a couple of reasons for this sooner than planned for post. The first, and unfortunately mostly informational, is that the last two dates for my last two procedures have finally been determined. On July 25th, I will be get my barium test. I don't foresee too many problems with that one. The other procedure which is for my (drumroll please) takedown is scheduled for August 15th. That is a little later than I had hoped, but I am over halfway there. It is definitely a workable date. The best part is I will be back together for the state fair. Hopefully everything will be up and working for the biggest test ANY gastrointestinal track can face.

The other reason for this post is that a few people (as well as myself) have noticed a decreasing entertainment value in my blog. I will do my best for my fans. So lets see...I do have one story that I excluded from the previous post. I will set the stage. You know when you go to a grand opening at some crappy store or perhaps auto dealer and they serve grade "D" hot dogs, popcorn, and have brightly colored balloons filled with helium? Well, think about those balloons filling with air from the helium tank, but replace the helium tank with a long flexible tube with a camera on the end and the balloon with my ostomy bag, and then just sandwich me in the middle somewhere. That was basically the effect that my last flex sig had on my system. I guess that I was naive when I thought that gas only went one way through the human body. Apparently, if you really try, it can also go the opposite way of what we all think of as natural. And not only that, if you happen to have your intestines sticking out of your body with a hole in them, the gas will escape. So lets paint a picture of my ultimate indignity (well not quite, but bare with me anyway because we all know there have been worse). There I am in a room full of doctors and students with my pants down, a camera in my rear end, and what is essentially a balloon attached to me which is filling up more and more with each additional refreshing burst of air dispensed by said camera into my "colon." I don't know what was going on there, but I am pretty sure that every hole in my body was serving a purpose other than what was intended and was thoroughly confused in the process. Good times.

So that's the only other story that I have. I hoped that I juiced it up enough to hold people over until I get an element from the periodic table squirted into my rectum. With any luck there will be some great stories when I get to the takedown. We can only hope...